


Memory’s touch

by Bridenore



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, M/M, Memory Loss, Mpreg, Post-War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-17
Updated: 2018-09-17
Packaged: 2019-07-13 13:42:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16019105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bridenore/pseuds/Bridenore
Summary: He’s there. Draco’s there. His hair looks golden under the warm candlelight and his aristocratic features calls to me. There is a baby in his arms, just as I knew there would be. My heartbeat speeds up, my magic hums and for the first time in months I feel truly alive. I’ve found them. I’ve found my family. -- Written in 2013 for the Harry/Draco Mpreg fest.





	Memory’s touch

My quest leads me to a particularly dark corner of Knockturn Alley. I squint to find the address I’m looking for. The building is tall and sinister. There are a few broken windows on the first floor. Two hags are standing on one side of the door. It’s not the kind of place anyone would want to spend time in. Yet, if my source is to be believed, the Malfoys have been hiding here over the past year.

  
  
I’ve followed false leads before and my hopes have been crushed endless times. I’ve been to Edinburg, I’ve been to Inverness and I’ve searched Carlisle more than once. I feel like I’ve looked under every rock and like I’ve climbed every tree. I shouldn’t expect much. However, my stomach still clenches nervously as I climb the fire escape that will lead me to the faint light coming from the fourth floor windows. I can’t help but feel like a fool thinking that they might have been in London, right under my nose, this whole time.   
  


There are no wards around the flat. I didn’t expect any; Knockturn has its own intricate ways of protecting privacy. Nothing prevents me from peering through the greasy window, but I hesitate before taking the last step. This might be a life defining moment. It might lack decorum, it might lack grandeur, but hell, I know that once I find them there will be no turning back.   
  


He’s there. Draco’s there. His hair looks golden under the warm candlelight and his aristocratic features calls to me. There is a baby in his arms, just as I knew there would be. My heartbeat speeds up, my magic hums and for the first time in months I feel truly alive. I’ve found them. I’ve found my family.  
  
  
***  
  
  
I thought that the Malfoys had reach rock bottom while serving under Voldemort. However, events proved me wrong. Once the war was over, people needed culprits and the Malfoys were the perfect target. They were quickly arrested and trialled. Lucius was sent to Azkaban. Malfoy Manor was seized, titles were stripped and vaults were emptied. Draco and Narcissa were left with nothing but the clothes on their backs and a series of restrictions on their so-called freedom.   
  


I spent a lot of time watching them that summer. First in front of the Wizengamot and then at Hogwarts were they forcefully became part of the reconstruction crew. They were met with animosity everywhere they went. I saw the hexes they daily received. They were laughed upon, frowned upon and spit upon. However, they held their head up high. I admired their courage and their resilience.  
  


I wanted to intervene. I talked about the situation with Ron and Hermione one night after a long excruciating day of work. I mentioned the incidents I had witnessed so far. I voiced my concerns. It was only a matter of time before things escalated and someone got hurt. The Malfoys were wandless, they had to be protected.  
  


By the end of my speech, I knew I had them convinced. I could always count on my two best friends. Hermione offered me a heart melting smile and I got lost in her warm embrace.   
  


“Harry, I’m really proud of you. You are doing the right thing,” she whispered softly in my ear. Ron nodded reassuringly over her shoulder. “Just remember that things won’t change overnight. Be patient. People will eventually follow your lead. You can already count on us.”   
  


Being patient had never been my forte, but I knew that Hermione had a point. Draco and Narcissa had to earn back the respect they had lost. It would be a slow and painful process. In the meantime, I could set the example and show others that I trusted them and respected them.   
  


I started taking my breaks not far from where the Malfoys worked. People sent me curious glances, but I didn’t particularly care. I was more concerned with the sweat rolling down Draco’s back as he manually lifted castle rumbles, shirt clinging to his lean body. I noticed the scratches and the bloodstain nails. I noticed the tears in Narcissa’s inadequate formal clothing. I must have been staring a little too hard, for Draco called on my behaviour on the third day.  
  


“Shouldn’t you be spending time with your girlfriend instead of spying on the Death Eaters?”  
  


“Ginny isn’t my girlfriend.” It was technically true. There was a conversation I had been avoiding since the war ended. I knew Ginny was under the impression it was only a matter of time before we rekindled our romance, but I wasn’t ready to jump back right where we left. “And I’m not spying on you.”  
  


I took out my wand and he flinched. His eyes widened in surprise when I simply levitated the stone he had unsuccessfully been trying to move around. He didn’t thank me, but I never expected him to. He raised an eyebrow instead. “You know I’m supposed to do this by hand?”  
  


“I don’t particularly care,” I said, offering an unapologetic smile. “It looked heavy.”  
  


He took a few steps in my direction and paused. I could sense his hesitation. I patted the empty spot next to me and he closed the remaining distance. His hair clung to his neck and his cheeks were pink with exertion. He looked like a mess, but I liked it. It made him look accessible. I handed him my water jug. Without hesitation, he hungrily gulped down the liquid. My eyes were riveted on his Adam’s apple.   
  


Feeling my stare, he turned his head in my direction. Searching for answers into the grey orbs, I pondered on all that could have been. Sitting amicably under the warm August sun, believing we could have been friends all along, was easy. He finally looked away, and the moment was broken.  
  


“You shouldn’t be hanging with social pariahs. It will tarnish your reputation.”   
  


“I don’t care particularly care about that either.” I paused looking for the right words. I wanted him to understand. I wanted him to know I was being genuine. “You and your mother deserve better than this.”  
  


Draco shook his head and snorted. “Spare me your Gryffindor bullshit. We got exactly what we deserve.”  
  


I wanted to argue, but he got up before I could come up with a suitable come back. He walked away, leaving me wondering where this conversation had gone wrong. I recalled Hermione’s words. These kinds of things take time. I hadn’t thought Draco himself would be the biggest obstacle. Staring at the blue summer sky, I quietly laughed. I should have expected it; Draco had always been particularly difficult. It was good to know that some things never change.  
  


I was still looking for a different approach when the school term started a week later. I wasn’t paying much attention to McGonagall’s speech until returning students’ housing arrangements were called. Double rooms had been prepared and I would be sharing one with Draco. Everyone expected me to protest at the news. In another life, I certainly would have. Now, the thought didn’t even cross my mind. I had moved on and buried the hatchet for good.   
  
  
***  
  
  
I don’t know how long I spent staring at my family through the glass window, but by the time a hand brushes my shoulder, I’m shivering. It takes everything I have the tear my eyes away from the man I love and the child I long for. When I do, I come face to face with Narcissa Malfoy. Her aristocratic stance clashes with the simple clothes she wears.   
  


“Mr. Potter,” she greets me, but the tone is both hostile and accusatory. It makes me feel like a trespasser. It makes me feel like a stalker. Many would say it’s what I currently am. I can’t blame Narcissa for the lack of welcome. In all of this, I’m the one at fault. I’ll never be able to apologise enough.  
  


“I’ve been looking for Draco,” is my only explanation.  
  


“Maybe he doesn’t want to be found.”  
  


I quickly look down. I suddenly feel like the awkward teenager I used to be. “I’ve figured that much. It took me a while to track you down.” I shift around nervously under her intense gaze.  
  


“And you took that for an open invitation?” The derisive tone shakes me out of my trance. I’ve always reacted to confrontation and this is no exception. Narcissa Malfoy is the only thing standing between me and my goal. She has to understand. She has to let me pass through. I will do anything. I’m that desperate.  
  


I stare into her eyes without blinking. “No, I didn’t. I took it for what it was. A mess I created and now have to fix.”  
  
  
***  
  
  
Eighth year was the year I fell in love with Draco Malfoy. I don’t know how it happened. I just know that the quiet evenings spent together in our small tower room slowly brought me closer to the man I once considered a rival. Conversation was strained at first, but by the end of October, I was laughing at all of his jokes and I constantly sought his company. Ron and Hermione accepted this new reality without questions. Others did not. People knew how to hold a grudge. My so-called lack of judgment was the talk of the school. People were starting to shun me. Ginny wouldn’t even speak to me.   
  


I did not care. I had everything I wanted right in front of me. We spent evenings on the Quidditch Pitch, racing for the snitch. With the wind in my hair and the thrill of the chase, I never felt so carefree. I never felt so alive. The war was a thing of the past.  
  


I tackled Draco to the ground one night, trying to pry the snitch he had won fair and square from his hand. We were both laughing. We were both out of breath. Snowflakes were starting the fall and there was magic in the air. I leaned in without thinking and I slowly but deliberately brushed our lips together. It sent a thrill down my spine. It changed everything. I wanted more and I sought permission into the clear grey eyes. I saw longing in them. Draped in a blanket of snow, we found refuge in each other.  
  


From that day forward, we spent most of our spare time hidden in our room. In the confine of my bed, we spent hours kissing each other, exploring each other and experimenting with each other. I was mesmerised by that smooth expanse of pale skin. I couldn’t keep my hands to myself. The Dark Mark branded on Draco’s left arm didn’t deter me. It only made me want to protect what was mine.  
  


Draco winced one night as I was pulling his shirt off. “What’s wrong?” I asked, panic settling deep in the pit of my stomach. He shook his head and tried to shrug the whole thing off. However, he couldn’t hide the red angry marks marring his right shoulder. Our eyes met and he must have sensed my agitation, for he offered a reassuring kiss.  
  


Breath mingling and forehead pressed together he spoke softly to me. “Don’t trouble yourself with this. People grow tired of everything, including taking their anger and resentment on the nearest Death Eater.”  
  


“But it’s so unfair,” was my answer. I treated my fingers through his hair. “I don’t want people hurting you. I don’t want people hurting my boyfriend.”  
  


There was a hitch in Draco’s breath. “Is that what you believe we are?” he asked. His eyes were suddenly guarded and there was a noticeable shift in the atmosphere.   
  


“I’d say so. You know I’m crazy about you.”To prove my point, I ground our erections together. “I’ll talk to a few people; tell them we’re a couple. They’ll leave you alone from now on.” I thought I had the perfect sale pitch, but I apparently didn’t.  
  


“Please don’t,” Draco said, slowly pulling away from me. “I can’t be your boyfriend.”  
  


I scrambled to sit up properly, dragging the coverlet with me in my haste. I ran a hand through my hair. “Why? It doesn’t make sense,” I asked, both puzzled and hurt. I couldn’t comprehend why we were having this conversation. I thought we were on the same page. I thought we were in this for the long haul.  
  


“You know that the Auror training program doesn’t accept candidates with ties to known Death Eaters?” I didn’t know and my surprise must have shown on my face for Draco went on. “I can point out a few other reasons of the top of my head. Don’t gamble your future over me.”  
  


I could see his point, but it didn’t mean I had to agree. We could fight for this. Together, we could change the world we lived in. I wanted to argue, but Draco was already reaching for my belt, trying to distract me. I tried to swat his hand away, but he held on. “Don’t fret. You’ll thank me for this later.”  
  


He teased me with a string of butterfly kisses. His breath was hot against my skin and it made me shudder. Lost in sensation, I let the subject drop. There would always be time later for this conversation. Draco would eventually change his mind. I never thought I would be the one leaving.  
  
  
***  
  
  
“How can I be sure you won’t hurt him again?” Narcissa finally asks me, cautious.  
  


“You can’t.” No one can promise such a thing. Even with the best intentions you can still deeply hurt the person you love the most. I’ve already been there, I’m not about to lie to Narcissa. “You just have to believe that I don’t intentionally intend to.”  
  


“Do you have any idea of the harm you caused?” I wince, hearing Narcissa’s words. I can only imagine what Draco thinks of me now. I send a quick glance toward the window and toward the peaceful domestic scene in the rundown flat. He has no idea I’m out here and that I’m about to disrupt his life once more. “Draco was pregnant with your child. The ministry was convinced Dark Magic was involved, doctors were urging him to abort the foetus. And you left him in the middle of all of that. You broke his heart and almost drove him mad with grief.”  
  


“It wasn’t like that –” I hesitate before going on. Faced with the harsh truth I fear that my actions will be hard to justify. “I didn’t know he was pregnant. He never told me.”  
  


“Then you need to explain. I need to understand before I let you walk through that door.” Narcissa’s voice is softer now and there is concern in her grey eyes when I glance in her direction. She must have sensed my uneasiness. I quickly look away and lean over the railing, staring at the narrow street below instead. There’s movement in the shadows. Faceless men and women are going about their business having no idea of my own struggles.   
  


“I love your son, terribly so,” I start slowly, eyes focused on a streetlamp in the distance. It shines brightly, offering unfaltering hope in a sea of darkness. I cling to the sight.  
  


“Then why did you leave him?” Narcissa asks gently, joining me by the railing.   
  


“He kept trying to push me away. He said I shouldn’t associate myself with him.” I sigh and run a hand through my hair. I know they must be sticking out in every direction, but I don’t particularly care. “I knew he didn’t truly want me to leave and that he was saying those things mostly for my sake. But he kept pushing and I –” my voice breaks. Our last conversation is forever engraved in my mind. Draco had greeted me with a few harsh words that night and I had lost my temper. Things had quickly escalated. I never took the time to ask what was wrong. I had simply grabbed my things and left the flat we had sometimes shared since graduation. I’ll never forget the hurtful look Draco sent me before I closed the door.   
  


“Do you regret leaving?”  
  


“It’s the biggest mistake I’ve ever made.” I pause, searching for the right words. “I woke up the next day already missing him. But I’m a proud man. I thought it would be better if I waited a few weeks. I spent some time with my friends and the Weasleys. I told them about Draco. They are the ones who urged me to go back.”  
  


“But he had already left.” Narcissa’s hand finds mine and she squeezes gently.  
  


“Yes. There was a letter under the window sill. I didn’t want to open it, but it was the only clue I had to where Draco might have gone. The letter was from St. Mungo's. It was about the pregnancy. I’ve searched for him ever since.”  
  


“And if you hadn’t found the letter?”  
  


“I would have searched anyway. I can’t live without Draco.”  
  


Narcissa pulls away from me. A sad smile is gracing her lips. “I’ll let you see Draco. But there’s something you should be aware of first.”  
  
  
***  
  
  
A deep blush creeps up Draco’s neck when he first notices me, standing in the doorway. His gaze shifts towards the stained wallpaper and the mess left in the kitchen. I don’t care. I don’t care if pots and pans haven’t been washed in days. We could be standing in the middle of a bloody battlefield and I would still have eyes only for him. He’s as criminally beautiful as ever. And he has my son in his arms. Our son.   
  


“Hey,” is my quiet greeting. “Your mother let me in.”  
  


My stomach is in knots. I’m almost a stranger to the man in front of me, and I never thought I would be. I never thought I would hurt him so deeply that he would chose to obliviate the memories we have together. I don’t know how to handle him. He’s Draco Malfoy, but he is not _my_ Draco.   
  


“I told her I didn’t want to see anyone.” Draco stares at me and I have the feeling he is about to ask me why I’m here. I have the feeling that he is about to throw me out. Instead, leans back in his seat and sighs, as if accepting my presence. He looks tired. I want to run up to him and tell him everything will be okay. It takes everything I have not to do those things. To remember that I’m not his lover, that I’m not the one he seeks comfort from.  
  


“I don’t know. Maybe she thought you could use a friend,” I run a hand through my hair. I’ve created a mess. Things weren’t supposed to be that way.   
  


“A friend? Is that what we are?” Draco raises an eyebrow at me.   
  


I choose not to answer. It would be hard to explain. He knows who I am. He knows we used to be childhood rivals and Narcissa managed to figure out that he remembers everything up to the final battle. However, she doesn’t exactly know how much he remembers from that point forward. The small bundle nestled in Draco’s arm gives me the perfect excuse to change the subject. “Can I?” I ask, gesturing towards the baby.  
  


It takes a while for Draco to answer. He hesitates and his hold on the child tightens. I’m afraid he’ll refuse. He has no reasons to trust me, but he finally relents somehow. Getting to his feet, he walks towards me.   
  


My breath hitches when I finally lay eyes upon my son. There he is in my arms, alive and as well as he can be despite the modest surroundings. He is quite small. Six months old, I gather. I reach forward and he grabs my finger. There suddenly is a lump in my throat. He stares at me with striking emerald eyes and crunches his pointy little nose. His features are a perfect blend of both of ours.   
  


“He’s beautiful” my voice is shaking and Draco sends me a puzzled glance. He carefully takes the baby back from me and our hands brush. He studies me for a while and I am left wondering what memories my touch might have triggered.   
  


“You have the same eye colour. You and Scorpius,” he finally reflects.   
  


He turns around and the moment ends. He is entirely focused on our son once more. I’m left standing in the dingy kitchen, already forgotten. My heart clenches and I can’t remember being this scared. I can’t lose them. They are all I have and they don’t even know it. Draco doesn’t remember giving birth to Scorpius, he doesn’t remember his pregnancy. He doesn’t remember the months spent between life and death. He believes he knocked up a girl he met one night in a pub. It’s his new truth.  
  


I shake my head, trying to clear my thoughts, but it’s useless. Tears are falling and I’m hyperventilating. This is harder than I thought it would be. I need to leave. I need to escape. It’s probably what I’m best at. I’m halfway through the door when I take a last look at Scorpius and Draco. Somehow the sights ground me. I’m reminded of my promise to Narcissa. I’m reminded of the hurt I already caused.   
  


“I’ll be back,” the words leave my lips before I realise it. I won’t abandon my family a second time.  
  


Draco raises his head. The look he sends me is both hopeful and speculative. He smiles and for the first time in almost two years I believe that everything is possible once more. I don’t know if he’ll ever get his memories back. The future might never be the past I used to have, but I can build something new. Will it be friendship, will it be love? I don’t know, but I will be standing right where I should be.

 

 


End file.
